Growing up where the heart is

Lying in bed this morning, trying to get my head around that it's back to just me and bub. Sigh, I miss my hubs, Little Miss Bebe misses her daddy-O. 

Oh well, I guess there's no complaining really, if I were to remind myself our reasons for doing this. Hopefully poor little not-a-princess won't grow up hating us, as she probably doesn't understand why daddy's away from her most of the time. 

To be honest, Australia may be a great place to call home, but it isn't to us, for now. Simply because home is where the heart is, and my heart is where my husband is. I'm sure if my daughter can speak in proper sentences, she'd say she'll be most happy with both daddy and mommy around, regardless if we were all in Malaysia or in Australia.

It's really amazing how perceptive toddlers are. When I was preparing to come over, everyone (especially the older folks) tells me that it's the best time to come to Australia to fulfill my PR (without hubby) because the kid will be too young to know that daddy's not around. Little did I know that all those people were just giving empty advice (for the sake of trying to make me feel better), and that i was dumb and hopeful enough to be believe it to be true. And what they said, couldn't be further away from the truth!

It's heartbreaking to see what my little angel goes through everytime her daddy leaves to the airport. She would be as moody as a cow for at least a couple of day after. She'd wake up in the middle of the night before daddy leaves, refusing to go to bed and only wanting to keep daddy close to her and cuddle her. She'd even refuse 'nen-nen' (and she never ever refuses her walking milk factory aka moi) to just be in daddy's embrace. She'd sit in daddy's suitcase as he packs, as if to tell daddy to bring her along. 

Seriously, children knows where a parent is leaving them. Whoever tells you that 1-2 year old kids are too young to understand the world, they're either just telling you white lies, or the kids (probably born 50 years ago) they were talking about were, erm, less developmentally advance. I'm not saying that Little Miss Bebe is a genius, but really, it doesn't take a genius child with an IQ of 180 to know when one' parent is missing. 

It's times like these when I question myself if we as parents are making the right decision for little miss bebe's future. It's unfair that she has to grow up not being able to see her father everyday like the rest of her peers. But the thought of Malaysia's current political and social environment, it doesn't make sense to let go of the privilege bestowed unto us to be able to stay in Australia for the sake of our future. 

What would you do if you were in my shoes? What price would we pay for not letting her grow up where her heart is?